At that time I had no idea that one day I would head a PR firm and regularly work with celebrities and professional athletes.  In fact, Kim Basinger and I crossed paths again.  But, that is a story for another time. 

In my executive coaching practice today, I am well of aware of a point the waitress was making back then.   People get dream jobs even when they are not the best candidate. 

Here are some reasons that are offered up by others when this happens –  for why the “not as deserving”  got the job.

• They are lucky – right place, right time
• They are very political 
• They know someone

Each of those is true, but the labels are wrong.   It’s a negative spin on what are usually powerful and positive attributes of the people who out-achieve other people with more talent and people who have delivered better results.   

• Luck –  sometimes it does just happen, but more often it’s the outcome of managing relationships
• Political –  is better thought of as influential   
• They know someone – is another name for never letting your network die (internal or external)

Your talent, your results are important, but they will not speak for themselves.

I thought to myself, well, let’s open it up and see how bad it is. Inside was a letter which essentially said, “It’s not always bad news when you hear from us. Have a great birthday!” No summons, no nothing but a wish for me. It was clever and funny and completely surprising.  My view of the clerk of the court’s “brand” took a big upward turn.

It reminded me of a project that I once did for a CEO. He asked me to interview a dozen of his top customers. These top customers did not always do the same amount of business with him year in and year out and he was particularly interested in the kinds of “relationship activities” the customers would value and how this would affect the business flow.

Many of the customer executives said the same things to me in the interviews. They said that the annual conference and education the company provided were good. That going out to lunch now and then with their salesperson was fine. That knowing they could pick up the phone and reach the CEO personally was a good thing. But what would really set them apart, they said, would be if the salespeople called or came by now and then with absolutely no purpose but to say,”hello, how are you?” And with no attempt, no matter how subtle, to sell them something.

I don’t think many sales organizations factor this thinking into their productivity calculations. I have tried to put that feedback to work in my own consulting practice. I slip and backslide but I try.

This blog is generally about making work work for you.  The number one thing you can do to make work work for you is to find the work that fits you.  The number one thing that assures your sustained success is how you manage your relationships. Let the people who are crictical to your success or have been critical to your success in the past know you appreciate them – without asking them for something. It will surprise them because so few people do it.

As I was presenting, the COO interrupted me with, “your body language is saying something quite different from what you are telling us.” This stopped me cold, not to mention scared me to death. I have never forgotten it and in fact, I later made it my business to understand this whole secret body language thing.

The COO remains a client today and whenever I mention this harrowing event, she always laughs and says she vaguely remembers the meeting but has no recollection of having told me that my body was contradicting my words. She does however, say that I need to remember that she subsequently hired me to do a number of large projects, so therefore (according to her), I must have handled the moment satisfactorily.  Handled it!? I was desperately looking for a life line.  I have no idea how I answered her.

Two truths emerge from this. The obvious one is that we really do not know how we are being perceived by others at any given time. We judge ourselves by what’s inside our heads or hearts, while others judge us with their eyes and ears. So, it pays to try and understand the message you are sending with your actions, your presence, your style, your tone, and so forth. I say “try” because truly seeing ourselves as others see us is pretty impossible. I was reminded of this brilliantly in an article in Psychology Today. 

The other truth that emerges from this story is that career moments which seem like crashing oceans to us are often not even puddles to the others involved.  So, while you may feel like a giant wave is rolling over your career, others may simply see it as a ripple.  How you swim through it is what counts.

Carol Bartz, CEO of Yahoo, in a recent interview, said that she believes Yahoo needs to offer its users more video.  And, of course, providers such as ooVoo and Skype are helping us to participate in real-time interactive video conversations more and more.  Not to mention YouTube, Vimeo, et al.

The experts are saying that we will be communicating a lot more one to one, one to many, and many to many visually.  So instead of just reading (text messages) or listening (conference calls), we will be watching.  I am not all that happy about this.  For one thing, I will be forced to continually own up to what I really look and sound like.  Ouch.  And, I can  no longer do conference calls in my pajamas. 

Seriously, a whole new world of opportunity is emerging around our increasing ability to see one other.  Some consumer brands are already using the two-way video conversations to conduct market research with their target consumer.  Think, they can talk with young people at a party who will actually show them how they are mixing their beverage products.

On a personal level, all this video communications takes personal branding and personal presence to a new level.  I  ran across a saying years ago that I often quote in my speeches (although I cannot find the author):  ”you are judged by the quality of your speaking, your writing, and your ideas, and in that order.”  Note: this quote was from pre-internet days, maybe even pre-television.  Now, with all of us soon expected to communicate via video, the “speaking” takes on more importance than ever.   Is your personal brand ready?

Ever do this? Ever have this happen to you? I have been on both sides of this scenario. You can always tell when someone did not expect you to answer. They stumble. They fumble. I know I do.

Now we have Facebook, blogging, Twitter, LinkedIn and much more to help us connect with people without talking to them. According to Microsoft’s Social Media book for small businesses, Twitter grew by more than 600% in 2009, while Facebook grew by 210% and LinkedIn by 85%. We are told that these social media behemoths draw their power from creating communities, stimulating dialogue, conversations and sharing. Well, sometimes they do. Some big brands have figured out how to make this work.

Can the rest of us really maintain a meaningful dialogue with dozens, hundreds, thousands of friends, followers and fans? Social media for most of us is monologue. More like a personal infomercial than a personal conversation. And, online socializing removes our ability to take the measure of a person by their tone, their demeanor. Yes, YouTube is visual but it is more like a performance than an interaction with the audience.

Let me stop here and say that I love social media. I encourage my clients to embrace it. I work with them to make it work for them.  Social media enables us to reach a lot more people. To give voice to our passions and to find people who share them. Through social media, I have found brilliant people I would never have found, reconnected with people I somehow lost.

But social media also enables us to be more unsociable than ever. We can stay in front of our computers, feel connected, without ever really engaging with anyone. We can click from site to site, turning e-relationships on and off.  Unsociable? Heck , we can be anti-social. The other day I asked a website developer if I could hire him to speak with me over the phone to go through some changes to a template of his I had purchased. He informed me that he would do it but only online. No dialogue. OK. I guess.

I think social media is in its glorious infancy. I am looking forward to participating in its growth.

When I headed a Business Transformation consulting practice (way back in the 90’s), change management was one of our core competencies.  After all, how can you transform if you don’t even know how to change? 

As part of our research on change in organizations, we surveyed more than 100,000 people and asked the question, “would you be willing to change in order to help your organization?’  The response was almost 90% positive.  People were indeed willing to change.  However, in trying to effect major change as consultants, we discovered that people needed to know more about  ”from what….to what?”  

They needed specifics so that they could internalize or personalize what changes they needed to make.  They needed to know the starting point and how it differed from the desired destination.  So they could take ownership of getting there.

Unfortunately, the organizations often were not very helpful in answering this question.  Examples of commons answers included “be more open to change”,” be more adaptable”, and the phrase that deserves to be in the Cliche Hall of Fame, “think outside the box”. 

People differ significantly when it comes to what they need in order to change and in order to lead others to change.  But everyone needs at least some idea of “from what…to what.”  One good way to express the answer is to express it in terms of new skills.  

George Washington University, through its  Institute for Knowledge and Innovation, has released the results of a study they conducted on the most valuable future skills.  We have been told for 30 years now that the world is changing faster than ever.  That our skills become outdated faster than you can say “powerpoint”.  The list of  skills identified by GWU makes for a nice tool you can use  to ask yourself how you and your organization compare to the study’s findings.

1. Best career move you ever made?

Accepting an international assignment earlier in my career.

2. What is fun about you?

Well, I enjoy my work, so I find the humor in it.  I can laugh at myself.  My team and I enjoy the give and take of picking on each other.

3. Who, or what company do you think gets it right today?

Nike, Patagonia, Google all come to mind. 

4.  What is the best place you have ever visited?

The Sinai in Egypt. Incredible in its serenity.

5. What is your superpower?

I am good at prioritizing – at rapidly understanding what is most important.  And, I can quickly center myself around what it takes to achieve a goal.

Resolutions can be daunting. 

I found  the exercise below many years ago and often use it in team building sessions.  Try it yourself before you start your resolutions – it may change how you approach the New Year.

What I need right now

Choose (mark) five things from this list that you think you need more of.   Add your own things if they are not on the list.  But, select no more than five.

Put the 5 choices in order of importance.

What is your first step?

Whom should you share your five things with? 

 I need more……

Source: Ice-breakers and Heart-warmers, by Steve Sheely

Many, if not most people are not fully in touch with, or maximizing their natural strengths.  You can be successful operating outside your strengths but at a price.  As an executive coach, I have worked with many top managers who were successful in jobs they had come to resent, even loathe.  Eventually they paid a price in stress or burnout or misdirected anger. 

And, I have also worked with people who were so engaged and energized by their work that Fridays for them meant  “Oh no! We have to wait 2 days until we get to come back!”

Sometimes, you cannot help but find yourself in a job or part of a team that is not “you”.  It can be a real growth experience.  Painful?  Yes, but ultimately beneficial.  But it’s not a formula for sustained success.  

You are your most fulfilled, you love your work, and you deliver the best results for yourself and your organization when you are operating from strengths.  This is true of individuals, teams, entire organizations. 

iFIVE’s Strengths-based Series, created to bring the benefits of executive coaching to a broader audience, shows individiuals or teams how to use their strengths, engage their best energy…and achieve exceptional results.   Contact us to explore how you can take advantage of your strengths.

This flies in the face of logic.  Isn’t pop music supposed to be dominated by the young and the hot?  Madonna is 50+.  She had no hit records in 2008.   She released an album, which finished in 50th place.  Her music downloads were 14th.  So, did her album and downloads just cost more?  No.  What put her at the top was her 2008 tour.

Whether you are a fan or not, Madonna offers us a great example of a powerful personal brand.    She knows her audience.   She doesn’t worry about appealing to everyone.  She focuses on delivering what her fans want. Again and again.  And they reward her with exceptional loyalty.  Which obviously translates into exceptional income.

It does not escape notice that baby boomers are 78 million strong and any rock star they embrace has a natural advantage in terms of sheer fan numbers.  As noted above, Bob Jovi was #2.   Bruce Springsteen was #3.  You have to go all the way down to #9, the Jonas Brothers, to find a young person.  The brothers earned 25% of what Madonna hauled in.

My favorite on the list?  Neil Diamond.  He came in at #7.  Did I mention he is 68 years old?  The old man rang up $82 million.

OK, so old rock stars have a fan advantage.  But there are plenty of famous baby boomer stars that never make the top 10 moneymaker list.  Their identities are not as clear.  Their energy and commitment to give their fans what they want is not as solid.  In short, their brands are not as strong.

We can all learn from these graying giants who may not be topping the hit singles charts, but are rocking the money charts.

image from absolutemadonna.com