At that time I had no idea that one day I would head a PR firm and regularly work with celebrities and professional athletes.  In fact, Kim Basinger and I crossed paths again.  But, that is a story for another time. 

In my executive coaching practice today, I am well of aware of a point the waitress was making back then.   People get dream jobs even when they are not the best candidate. 

Here are some reasons that are offered up by others when this happens –  for why the “not as deserving”  got the job.

• They are lucky – right place, right time
• They are very political 
• They know someone

Each of those is true, but the labels are wrong.   It’s a negative spin on what are usually powerful and positive attributes of the people who out-achieve other people with more talent and people who have delivered better results.   

• Luck –  sometimes it does just happen, but more often it’s the outcome of managing relationships
• Political –  is better thought of as influential   
• They know someone – is another name for never letting your network die (internal or external)

Your talent, your results are important, but they will not speak for themselves.

I thought to myself, well, let’s open it up and see how bad it is. Inside was a letter which essentially said, “It’s not always bad news when you hear from us. Have a great birthday!” No summons, no nothing but a wish for me. It was clever and funny and completely surprising.  My view of the clerk of the court’s “brand” took a big upward turn.

It reminded me of a project that I once did for a CEO. He asked me to interview a dozen of his top customers. These top customers did not always do the same amount of business with him year in and year out and he was particularly interested in the kinds of “relationship activities” the customers would value and how this would affect the business flow.

Many of the customer executives said the same things to me in the interviews. They said that the annual conference and education the company provided were good. That going out to lunch now and then with their salesperson was fine. That knowing they could pick up the phone and reach the CEO personally was a good thing. But what would really set them apart, they said, would be if the salespeople called or came by now and then with absolutely no purpose but to say,”hello, how are you?” And with no attempt, no matter how subtle, to sell them something.

I don’t think many sales organizations factor this thinking into their productivity calculations. I have tried to put that feedback to work in my own consulting practice. I slip and backslide but I try.

This blog is generally about making work work for you.  The number one thing you can do to make work work for you is to find the work that fits you.  The number one thing that assures your sustained success is how you manage your relationships. Let the people who are crictical to your success or have been critical to your success in the past know you appreciate them – without asking them for something. It will surprise them because so few people do it.

For example, if you love analysis and are good at it, you will shut your office door, spend the day with your beloved reports, and feel great at the end of the day.  If you are energized by counseling and advising others, you will take every opportunity to meet with people and feel quite fulfilled at day’s end, no matter how many people you have talked with that day.

But, what if the combination of what you like to do and what you are good at, is not called for very often in the job you have?  It’s another way of saying that you are in a job that does not play to your strengths.  This happens a lot.  In fact, surveys show that most Americans believe that their work does not utilize their strengths.  Interestingly, the surveys never ask  “what are your strengths that are going unused?”

Here’s what happens over time when your strengths are not a fit to your work….

1. You avoid doing the things you need to do in your job and try to insert what you like and are good at into your job even when it isn’t needed
2. You ultimately pay a price by under performing, or you perform but end up burned-out, having health or relationship issues, and for sure, annoying your colleagues

Bottom line – you just don’t show up as well as you could.

So, examine your strengths allocation for a couple of weeks.   First, define what you are good at and like to do.  It’s not an “either”, it’s a “both” because you know you can be good at something even if you don’t like it.  A strength is something you are good at AND like doing.  

Figuring out your strengths may be the most  challenging and valuable part of this exercise.  Hint: don’t define more than 3.

Keep track of the time you are devoting to things that use your strengths.   It’s the same principle that is used in dieting when you write down everything, yes everything, you eat and drink for a couple of weeks.  The list always makes you think.

As I was presenting, the COO interrupted me with, “your body language is saying something quite different from what you are telling us.” This stopped me cold, not to mention scared me to death. I have never forgotten it and in fact, I later made it my business to understand this whole secret body language thing.

The COO remains a client today and whenever I mention this harrowing event, she always laughs and says she vaguely remembers the meeting but has no recollection of having told me that my body was contradicting my words. She does however, say that I need to remember that she subsequently hired me to do a number of large projects, so therefore (according to her), I must have handled the moment satisfactorily.  Handled it!? I was desperately looking for a life line.  I have no idea how I answered her.

Two truths emerge from this. The obvious one is that we really do not know how we are being perceived by others at any given time. We judge ourselves by what’s inside our heads or hearts, while others judge us with their eyes and ears. So, it pays to try and understand the message you are sending with your actions, your presence, your style, your tone, and so forth. I say “try” because truly seeing ourselves as others see us is pretty impossible. I was reminded of this brilliantly in an article in Psychology Today. 

The other truth that emerges from this story is that career moments which seem like crashing oceans to us are often not even puddles to the others involved.  So, while you may feel like a giant wave is rolling over your career, others may simply see it as a ripple.  How you swim through it is what counts.

My boss had called all of them and me into his office one day to make the announcement. Some of those assembled had been in the running for the job, too. The room was hot, over-crowded, and tense.

He announced that I was their new boss, then looked around the room at each man in turn. It was quiet. He looked down, shook his head as though in deep thought, looked up and said, “She has talent. There is no reason she won’t be a good manager. And, fellows, I am holding each of you responsible for how she turns out.”

We laughed – nervous little chuckles. It was a brilliant move of mis-direction. They were immediately engaged in my success, like it or not. My boss had put a mutually beneficial relationship opportunity square in front of us.

Who ultimately controls your personal success in an organization?

Many people mistakenly believe that their talent, drive or results will speak for themselves. In fact, many corporations tell their employees that if they want to be successful, produce results.

But, have you ever had someone else be given credit for your hard work, your ideas, your results? Been blamed for someone else’s mistake? Happens all the time.

Corporations are social organisms. They are made up of individuals with feelings and opinions and needs. So, my answer to the question of who controls your success, is that in any organization, to sustain success, you have to have a critical mass of others acting on your behalf. Genuinely.

On the competitive field that is the corporation, creating mutually beneficial relationships is your top goal. It means devoting energy to other people, maybe to lots of people, and doing it especially when you don’t need anything specific from them.

Find a way to devote energy to others’ success.

I cannot imagine life without the internet in general.  And the iPod.  The Flip. Blackberry. Laptop. Desktop. Netbook. Kindle. Wii.  Email.  IM.  Twitter.  Blogs.  LinkedIn.  GPS.  Somebody stop me.

Seriously, technology has enriched my life in ways I never could have imagined.  But it has created some new puzzles.  Witness…..

Is it more impressive to other passengers on a plane that I am…

a. reading from an iPad

b. reading from a Kindle

c. reading from a thick scholarly tome which I can barely lift or

d. talking on my cell phone even though the forward door is closed

Which makes me more important….

a. 10,000 followers

b. 10,000 friends

c. 500+ contacts on LinkedIn or

d. 10,000 views on my own YouTube channel

Which has the highest cool factor….

a. my avatar attending a meeting in Second Life  

b. hosting my own webinar

c. my avatar hosting a webinar

Is it more rude to…

a. fail to reply to every text and email in real time no matter where I am

b. ignore the person standing in front of  me, e.g. the presenter at a meeting, so I can reply to texts and emails.  (what are all those hands doing under the conference table anyway?)

c. neither of these is rude

d. both of these are rude

Gotta run – I’m sure the answers are in Wikipedia.

A new Towers Watson study just out pretty much says, “not so fast, my friend.”   Apparently we have some new truths to ponder.  Among other things, the study reports that an astonishing 33% of the 20,000 people who were surveyed from midsize and large companies, said that they would like to work for the same organization forever.   And, the AARP reports that almost 70% of boomers say they will keep working past retirement for a variety of reasons, most of them economic.  Add to this, the fact that the Bureau of Labor Statistics reports there are 5.4 people available for every 1 job opening and if you don’t drink, you might be thinking about starting.

But to me the really gloomy news from the new study is that even though employees feel that they cannot leave their current jobs, more than half (51%) felt that there was no clear path toward advancement at their current employer.   Stuck and going nowhere - can’t go out, not going up. 

Here is my take on this.  Jobs will return.  Companies will invest in talent again.  It will happen.  The question is what should people who are employed be doing now, to be in winners in the recovery, not just survivors of the recession?  Waiting out the recession is not a career strategy. 

Instead….take a stone-cold look at your skills and assess them against your dream job.  Ask for some straightforward feedback from co-workers and your boss.  Understand what your current personal brand is…. from their perspective.   Network internally, including asking people who are in jobs you want if you can shadow them.  Find a mentor, inside or outside your organization.   And invest your own money to find help in closing your skills gaps….especially in the people skills, like relationship management, change management, communications and influence.   Show your company that while things may not be so good, you are moving forward personally.

Yes, I know, the greatest companies continue to develop their people even in difficult times.  But, not everyone is fortunate enough to work for one of the greatest companies.   There are only a few great companies but there are a lot of good companies.  And being one of the greatest employees at a good company is very rewarding.  

Survive?  Good.  Recover?  Better. Come out the other side stronger than ever?  Great!

Carol Bartz, CEO of Yahoo, in a recent interview, said that she believes Yahoo needs to offer its users more video.  And, of course, providers such as ooVoo and Skype are helping us to participate in real-time interactive video conversations more and more.  Not to mention YouTube, Vimeo, et al.

The experts are saying that we will be communicating a lot more one to one, one to many, and many to many visually.  So instead of just reading (text messages) or listening (conference calls), we will be watching.  I am not all that happy about this.  For one thing, I will be forced to continually own up to what I really look and sound like.  Ouch.  And, I can  no longer do conference calls in my pajamas. 

Seriously, a whole new world of opportunity is emerging around our increasing ability to see one other.  Some consumer brands are already using the two-way video conversations to conduct market research with their target consumer.  Think, they can talk with young people at a party who will actually show them how they are mixing their beverage products.

On a personal level, all this video communications takes personal branding and personal presence to a new level.  I  ran across a saying years ago that I often quote in my speeches (although I cannot find the author):  ”you are judged by the quality of your speaking, your writing, and your ideas, and in that order.”  Note: this quote was from pre-internet days, maybe even pre-television.  Now, with all of us soon expected to communicate via video, the “speaking” takes on more importance than ever.   Is your personal brand ready?

Ever do this? Ever have this happen to you? I have been on both sides of this scenario. You can always tell when someone did not expect you to answer. They stumble. They fumble. I know I do.

Now we have Facebook, blogging, Twitter, LinkedIn and much more to help us connect with people without talking to them. According to Microsoft’s Social Media book for small businesses, Twitter grew by more than 600% in 2009, while Facebook grew by 210% and LinkedIn by 85%. We are told that these social media behemoths draw their power from creating communities, stimulating dialogue, conversations and sharing. Well, sometimes they do. Some big brands have figured out how to make this work.

Can the rest of us really maintain a meaningful dialogue with dozens, hundreds, thousands of friends, followers and fans? Social media for most of us is monologue. More like a personal infomercial than a personal conversation. And, online socializing removes our ability to take the measure of a person by their tone, their demeanor. Yes, YouTube is visual but it is more like a performance than an interaction with the audience.

Let me stop here and say that I love social media. I encourage my clients to embrace it. I work with them to make it work for them.  Social media enables us to reach a lot more people. To give voice to our passions and to find people who share them. Through social media, I have found brilliant people I would never have found, reconnected with people I somehow lost.

But social media also enables us to be more unsociable than ever. We can stay in front of our computers, feel connected, without ever really engaging with anyone. We can click from site to site, turning e-relationships on and off.  Unsociable? Heck , we can be anti-social. The other day I asked a website developer if I could hire him to speak with me over the phone to go through some changes to a template of his I had purchased. He informed me that he would do it but only online. No dialogue. OK. I guess.

I think social media is in its glorious infancy. I am looking forward to participating in its growth.

When I headed a Business Transformation consulting practice (way back in the 90’s), change management was one of our core competencies.  After all, how can you transform if you don’t even know how to change? 

As part of our research on change in organizations, we surveyed more than 100,000 people and asked the question, “would you be willing to change in order to help your organization?’  The response was almost 90% positive.  People were indeed willing to change.  However, in trying to effect major change as consultants, we discovered that people needed to know more about  ”from what….to what?”  

They needed specifics so that they could internalize or personalize what changes they needed to make.  They needed to know the starting point and how it differed from the desired destination.  So they could take ownership of getting there.

Unfortunately, the organizations often were not very helpful in answering this question.  Examples of commons answers included “be more open to change”,” be more adaptable”, and the phrase that deserves to be in the Cliche Hall of Fame, “think outside the box”. 

People differ significantly when it comes to what they need in order to change and in order to lead others to change.  But everyone needs at least some idea of “from what…to what.”  One good way to express the answer is to express it in terms of new skills.  

George Washington University, through its  Institute for Knowledge and Innovation, has released the results of a study they conducted on the most valuable future skills.  We have been told for 30 years now that the world is changing faster than ever.  That our skills become outdated faster than you can say “powerpoint”.  The list of  skills identified by GWU makes for a nice tool you can use  to ask yourself how you and your organization compare to the study’s findings.